How do I "do it"?

I hear it often....people say they dont know how I "do it" with four kids. I thought I'd address this today. I'm assuming when people say that, they mean get things done on a daily basis with four kids and without ending up in jail for murder of one of them or in the psyche ward at the hospital. If I imply at all that my life is like the Cleavers and each day is perfect then I apologize for that. Some days I struggle.....I mean....I really struggle with myself! My kids are lazy, my husband and I both yell at them almost daily and most days a basket of clean clothes will sit on my living room floor, still there from the day before, needing to be folded and put away.

If anyone just pops in on me for a visit, you will see my kitchen floor is covered in crumbs, dirt and old grass from the yard....my counters are somewhere under the piles of mail, school papers and whatever else has just been left there. My home is very modest and really too small for the size of my family so Im constantly trying to improve it so that I can enjoy it a little longer....because I HAVE to. I'm always rushing....rushing to appointments, practices and even just daily errands. It's become such a habit to rush that even when there's no need to rush, and I am getting the kids rallied and ready to leave, the words "hurry up, let's go!" just fall out of my mouth (Jean too).

It has become a habit for my children to sit with a blank stare when told they need to help with something around the house. I end up raising my voice and demanding they do what they are told and my heart is heavy because I've lost control. In my remorseful state of mind, I go to thoughts of the future, my kids with their own children and how we taught them that yelling is okay. Each day I try to change this one thing about me. I know that I am a good mom - you can ask any one of the kids.....they will tell you I'm the best....and then ask them if I yell.....the will lie and tell you that I don't. Maybe its because its so normal for them now they don't see it.

I know I'm no different than most moms and that everything I just wrote is probably familiar to most other families. I do think that my personal outlook on life is what makes people ask. How I "do it" with four is all a state of mind. My childhood growing up with four sibilings and an open door to my friends made my home (mom's home) a comfortable place to be. My mom tells me she yelled all the time when we were kids and though I can recall a few times being upset, I dont recall regular yelling but she says its true. We (my brothers, sister and I) still go there for comfort and peace to relax with our families. I want my kids to always come to my home for comfort and peace.

My kids are lazy but they are kids and it is my job to teach them about responsibilities and priorities....if they grow up to be lazy people, it is my fault for not teaching them better. I am a yeller but it is not constant and I am aware and thankful that I have the ability to refrain from physically hurting my children. I do not yell obscenities although I have been known to cuss under stress (not directed at my children).

I can honestly admit that I wish we were having more children as I feel I have so much love to give and each life is a blessing to the memebers of my family. I can also honestly admit that raising four is lots of work and some days its more than I'm up for but when I go to bed at night and reflect on my day with them, I smile and feel peaceful for the blessings of my kids. Not a day goes by when I dont utter the words "they are so cute". I love their personalities! I feel lucky to be their mom.

So, to sum this up, I don't "do it". I get through my days like everyone else. Most days lots of things on my list of things to do don't get done but in my mind I still feel lucky to have that list and generally the things on it can wait until tomorrow or even the day after. Life is much to short to stress about little things and I try to remind myself of that when I'm feeling a meltdown coming on.

I'm off to clean another spill.......its just another daily occurrence at the Roy house :)

Have a great day!

~kel~